By Piyali C.

I always seek out memoirs written by immigrants, because I am curious whether my experiences in a new country mirror the experiences of others. Everyone’s life is unique; however, facing micro aggressions, intentional or unintentional, seems to be a common theme in each of our stories. That, and trying to find a place at the table. It takes time for immigrants to understand the culture and traditions of the country they emigrate to and it also takes time for them to be understood. An immigrant expends time and energy making sense of their new environment and is accepted (hopefully). The process is not seamless or easy, though. Often, we find ourselves at the wrong end of the table. Ayser Salman explains this beautifully in her memoir, The Wrong End of the Table: A Mostly Comic Memoir of a Muslim Arab American Woman Just Trying to Fit in.

The oldest child of an Iraqi family who fled the fascist regime of Saddam Hussein to give their children better opportunities in the United States, Salman found herself to be the only child in her Columbus, Ohio school of Arab descent, someone who had trouble pronouncing rr’s in the way that the English language demands. In Ohio, little Ayser discovered McDonald’s Egg McMuffins, Barbie dolls and, much to her surprise, kids playing doctor everywhere. This was also a time of struggling to fit in and assimilate with her blonde and blue-eyed White peers. Often confused, often treated differently, often facing derogatory comments about ‘her people’ being terrorists, Ayser Salman navigated through her life, pursuing her career in films and gaining strength of character as an independent Arab American woman. Her parents raised her to be a strong woman and a proud Muslim. While growing up, Salman felt misunderstood and discriminated against due to her identity as an Iraqi American woman, but once she understood intersectionality, she realized the extent of intersectionality existing in our society and felt like she belonged.

Her family, during her teenage years, moved to Saudi Arabia for a few years before returning to Lexington, Kansas. Despite the oppressive rules governing women during the 1980s in Saudi Arabia, Ayser found a sense of belonging among the girls she went to school with, as they shared her religion, culture, and traditions. In Saudi Arabia, she did not stick out like a sore thumb like she did in America. She related to the girls she went to school with, and they formed deep friendships as they experienced puberty together. It was a great irony that in a country where women were repressed, Ayser felt a certain kind of release. 

Once Ayser left for college, she ceased being ‘different ‘ and found acceptance among her peers to some degree. College, unlike her high school, was a microcosm of the world, where people with diverse identities came together for higher education. There was a level of acceptance of differences that Ayser had never experienced before. But 9/11 brought new challenges and she again found herself at the wrong end of the table, vociferously trying to prove to the world that Muslims are not terrorists.  

Ayser Salman talks about racism and micro aggressions in her memoir, but she coats them with a veneer of lighthearted, witty narrative. The racism is made more poignant due to her self-deprecating humor. She writes about her dating experiences with both Arab and non-Arab men, as well as her strong female friends who always had her back but sometimes failed to understand her culture or were insensitive about her Arab identity. She also pays homage to her fierce mother, her scholarly father, and her siblings. Ayser’s conversations with her mother made me laugh out loud, reminding me of similar conversations I have had with mine. 

Ayser Salman’s writing is lucid and flows beautifully. Her humor in describing and responding to serious subjects makes the reading experience delightful. If you are interested in memoirs and/or learning about immigrant experiences like I am, this is a great book for you.  

The Wrong End of the Table: A Mostly Comic Memoir of a Muslim Arab American Woman Just Trying to Fit in by Ayser Salman is available in print format.

Piyali is an instructor and research specialist at HCLS Miller Branch, where she facilitates Light But Not Fluffy and co-facilitates Global Reads. She keeps the hope alive that someday she will reach the bottom of her to-read list.