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by Kim J.
Once I read my first Fredrik Backman book, I couldn’t stop. I devoured each of his titles in quick succession and recommended them to anyone who would listen. Each of Backman’s books is a snapshot of humanity: character-driven stories that weave together timelines and perspectives with honesty and emotional depth. While reading his novels, I laugh, I cry, and sometimes I laugh until I cry. His characters feel so real that I become genuinely invested in their lives, making it bittersweet when their stories end. One of my favorite parts of reading Backman is his gift for language. His turns of phrase are fresh, ringing true and making me marvel at the mind that created them.
Some favorites:
“A lack of self-confidence is a devastating virus. There’s no cure.” – My Friends
“Boats that stay in the harbor are safe, sweetheart, but that’s not what boats were built for.” – Anxious People
“Having a grandmother is like having an army. This is a grandchild’s ultimate privilege: knowing that someone is on your side, always, whatever the details.” – My Grandmother Asked Me to Tell You She’s Sorry
When I heard Backman had a new book out this year, I immediately added myself to the holds list. My Friends is the newest addition to Backman’s repertoire, and it did not disappoint. One of the main characters, Luisa, is a 17-year-old who has run away from her latest foster home. She loves art, and her favorite painting is about to go up for auction. She’s determined to see it in person at least once in her life. While she’s excellent at making plans, life has a way of surprising her. Her story is interlaced with the backstory of how her favorite painting came to be. What follows is an adventure filled with creativity, love, grief, friendship, found family, inside jokes, and storytelling. I highly recommend My Friends if you like humor, heartfelt depth, and a warm, bittersweet ending. However, it does need some content warnings: the story touches on several heavy topics including domestic violence, sexual assault, physical abuse, and bullying. In the end, it’s a story that stays with you long after you turn the last page.
While you may have to wait for My Friends (available in print, large print, e-book, e-audiobook), you can explore other equally wonderful titles by Fredrik Backman:
I’m thrilled to share some exciting news — our library now has a merchandise store!
From cozy hoodies to bookish totes, every item celebrates our shared love of learning, literacy, and community. Every purchase helps fund real, meaningful initiatives here in Howard County. The store is powered through Friends & Foundation of Howard County Library System, the official nonprofit partner of HCLS. And let me tell you — they make incredible things happen.
What Your Purchase Supports
Our library is more than books or buildings. It’s a community hub for curiosity, creativity, and connection. Friends & Foundation helps amplify that mission through advocacy, outreach, and strategic fundraising. By shopping the new store, you’re not just buying merch — you’re investing in the future of our community. Proceeds help fuel many wonderful programs, including:
Battle of the Books, HCLS Spelling Bee, Longest Table and signature Events – fostering connection and community
HiTech STEAM classes – sparking curiosity and innovation
HCLS Mobile Units – bringing learning to every corner of our county
Project Literacy graduation – empowering adults through education
Notable Author Events – bringing diverse voices to our community
Enchanted Garden – providing practical gardening education for all ages
Online homework assistance – removing barriers to learning through accessible, real-time tutoring
Ready to Show Your Library Love?
Whether you’re grabbing a tote for your next book haul or gifting a mug to a fellow library lover, every purchase makes a difference. Let’s keep building a community where everyone can learn, grow, and connect — together.
I’ve always treasured the homemade things that my mom made throughout my childhood: from my Strawberry Shortcake costume to a bunny rabbit whose dress matched mine… from a hand-drawn board book to my senior prom dress. If it was special to me, it probably came from her heart. While I inherited her love of crafting, I did not inherit her patience or skill with a sewing machine! Even so, crafting and creating is my happy place. I’ve had to find different creative endeavors, and one of my favorite tools for crafting is the Cricut machine.
The Cricut is a computerized machine which cuts a design into a wide variety of materials. It is basically a desktop CNC machine designed to cut thin materials. The Cricut can be used to cut paper to make cards, paper flowers, or gift boxes. It can cut vinyl to make stickers, signs, and stencils. Or it can cut heat transfer vinyl to decorate fabric like bags or shirts. That’s just the tip of the iceberg!
In 2022, the Glenwood Branch + Makerspace added a Cricut machine to its available equipment. Since then, it has been used to create custom sweatshirts, tote bags, candy dishes, coasters, socks, water bottles, cards, jewelry, and more. One customer used it to customize the back of her child’s team jerseys, and each got to pick a fun nickname to use for the season. Another used it to make a sign for the front of their neighborhood little library. I even used the draw and cut feature to cut magnetic sheets and paper, giving some personality to the carts around our branch.
To use the Cricut, customers can bring in any materials that they wish to cut, then use the library’s machine to make it happen. The library has a paid subscription to the Cricut Design Space App. This means using the Makerspace computers to create a project gives customers free access to thousands of graphics, fonts, and designs. To see a demonstration of how to use the Cricut at Glenwood Branch, view the YouTube video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U2cSwSplryE
There are also regular project-based Cricut classes taught at Glenwood Branch + Makerspace for anyone who is a little hesitant to just start using the machine on their own. During class, each student designs on a computer and cuts their project from start to finish. This allows everyone to learn how to use both the software and the machine. To find a list of upcoming Cricut classes, click this link: https://bit.ly/HCLS_Cricut
Of course, at the library you can always find a few books to get you started:
It has been more than 30 years since I’ve been able to view my family’s old home movies. They have been trapped on old camcorder tapes and shuffled from box to bin, from attic to basement. Which is why when I saw the Glenwood Branch +Makerspace digital memory station, I knew what my first project was going to be. I dug out one of many old boxes of VHS tapes and got to work – my memory is fickle, and it took seeing these videos to remember details from my childhood. For instance, I’d forgotten that my brother used to cart me around on the back of his tricycle – with my Cabbage Patch doll in tow, of course!
The digital memory station features the ability to preserve memories from old media. Using the VHS player and accompanying cassette adapter, home movies can be recorded using the station’s computer. One thing to keep in mind is that this can be a lengthy process. Converting videos to a digital file takes at least as long as the video itself… plus processing time. However, being able to see and share these memories again has been priceless. The only supplies required are the video, a storage device to take the digital files home, and time. A staff member is always stationed in the Makerspace who you can ask for help getting the project started.
If you want more information, watch the video that explains the VHS conversion process, step-by-step. Find it here: https://bit.ly/Glenwood-VHS
The other big draw at the memory station is the fast photo scanner. This little device can scan photos at a speed of up to 1 per second. In addition, it can be set up to scan both sides of each picture simultaneously. At first, I wasn’t sure if I would need that feature – but looking back through my scans, I found that it had captured the writing on the back of each of my photographs. My mom meticulously recorded details that have been lost to my memory. She had very distinct handwriting… and since she passed nine years ago, each of these images is a treasure to me.
I was worried about my grandmother’s wedding picture being bent since it is already a little worn around the edges. For items like Polaroids or fragile photos, there is a flatbed scanner right next to the fast photo scanner. This can auto-detect as many images as will fit on the glass – so at least each one doesn’t have to be scanned individually.
There is no charge to use any of the equipment at the digital memory station – but if a USB or CD is needed to store the digital files, they are available to purchase at the customer service desk. There is no appointment system – the digital memory station is available on a first-come, first-served basis. To check and see if it is available, call the Glenwood Branch at 410.313.5577.
Kimberly J is an Instructor and Research Specialist at the HCLS Glenwood Branch. She enjoys reading, photography, creating, crafting, and baking.
In 2013, I was living overseas as a military spouse and was struggling with my mental health. Desperate for help, I did a quick internet search to find the number for the Mental Health Services on base. The first question asked was, “Are you active duty?” When I replied that I was not, the response I got was, “Then we can’t help you.” Hearing those words was devastating to my despairing mind and I felt defeated in that moment. The person on the other end then asked, “Are you experiencing suicidal thoughts or do you feel that you might harm yourself or others?” My reply was, “If I was, I’d be in trouble, since you just said you can’t help me!” I made it past the lies that depression was telling me and the very insensitive message that I received that day. I have been traveling a road of healing for the last 10 years. Some days are hard, but I now know that there is help.
May is Mental Health Awareness Month and I want to begin by saying three things:
1. You are not alone.
2. Help is always available.
3. You (and your mental health) matter.
You Are Not Alone
Almost everyone knows someone with a mental illness. Understanding the prevalence of mental health conditions is important in destigmatizing it. Nearly 450 million people worldwide are currently living with a mental illness. In the United States, one in four adults suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder. Almost half of adults in the US will experience a mental illness during their lifetime. The three most common diagnoses are anxiety disorders, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Life can be challenging, but every day shouldn’t feel out of control. Take time to ask yourself about your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to see if this is part of a pattern that may be caused by a mental health condition. Here are some questions to get you started:
Have things that used to feel easy started feeling difficult?
Does the idea of doing daily tasks like making your bed now feel really, really hard?
Have you lost interest in activities and hobbies you used to enjoy?
Do you feel irritated, possibly to the point of lashing out at people you care about?
If your answers to the any of the above are yes, start a conversation with your primary care provider, a trusted friend, or a family member about your mental health. Please note: A mental health provider (such as a doctor or a therapist) can give you a full assessment and talk to you about options for how to feel better.
Help is Always Available – Free Community Resources
988 – Suicide and Crisis Lifeline – offers free 24/7 call, text, and chat (988lifeline.org/chat) access to trained crisis counselors who can help people experiencing suicidal thoughts, substance use, mental health crisis, or any other kind of emotional distress. Just text or call 988 nationwide. People can also dial 988 if they are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support. While text and chat are available in English only, calling services are in English and Spanish and use Language Line Solutions to provide translation services in over 250 additional languages.
211 Marylandis the state’s most comprehensive health and human services resource database. With more than 7,500 resources, individuals with essential needs can get connected to local help 24/7/365.
211, Press 1 is an immediate, always-on-call suicide prevention, substance use intervention, and mental health emergency assistance line available in the state of Maryland. Dial 211 and Press 1. 211 specialists are also available to chat or text. For text services, text your ZIP code to 898-211.
211 Health Check – provides proactive mental health check-ins to support those with anxiety, stress, and depression. The weekly connections provide one-on-one support with the goal of preventing suicide and other mental health emergencies. If requested, the 211 specialist can connect the caller with mental health resources. To sign up for weekly mental health checks, text MDMindHealth to 898-211.
MD Young Minds is a new resource for teens and adolescents who are struggling with their mental health. It sends supportive text messages, with a focus on teen and adolescent concerns and worries. To sign up, teens should text MDYoungMinds to 898-211. The ongoing messages also remind youth that immediate mental health support is always available through 211, Press 1.
Local Mental Health resources are available through the Howard County Health Department by visiting this website.
You (and your mental health) Matter
Mental health is an important part of overall health and well-being. Mental health includes our emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It affects how we think, feel, and act. It also helps determine how we handle stress, relate to others, and make healthy choices. Mental health is important at every stage of life, from childhood and adolescence through adulthood.
No matter your age or stage in life, you and your mental health are important. If you’re looking for resources to help make self-care part of your routine, the library can help get you started.
The Little Book of Rest: 100 Ways to Relax and Restore Your Mind, Body, and Soul by Stephanie Thomas is a book that can help you formulate your own actionable self-care plan. Everyone is unique, so make a self-care routine that works for YOU. This book is divided into four sections, with plenty of ideas for each category: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual exercises to give yourself time and space to focus on wellness.
In The Self-Healing Mind, Dr. Gregory Brown advocates for a holistic approach to mental health treatment. Dr. Brown supports integrating conventional treatments (medication and talk therapy) with lifestyle changes that he calls the pillars of self-care: breathing mindfully, sleep, spirituality, nutrition, and movement.
Mindful Moments for Kids is an audio CD that is broken down into one-minute “mind breaks” – including guided meditations, relaxing music, nature sounds, and breathing exercises. Using these moments can help calm, focus, and inspire mental health as an everyday practice.
As a form of self-care, you can also try out meditation with some beginner’s meditation classes on HCLS’ YouTube Channel. There are three meditation sessions available:
Finally, HCLS Miller Branch is offering Suicide Prevention Training on Monday, May 15 at 6:30 pm, in partnership with Grassroots Crisis Prevention Center. Register here (starting Monday, May 8) for this training, which will show you how to recognize the warning signs of a suicide crisis and is designed for people who do not have experience in suicide intervention.
These are just a few of the resources and opportunities available at Howard County Library System.
If you are thinking about harming yourself or attempting suicide, tell someone who can help right away. Call 911 for emergency services. Go to the nearest hospital emergency room. Call or text 988 to connect with the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. The Lifeline provides 24-hour, confidential support to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress. Support is also available via live chat. Para ayuda en español, llame al 988.
Sources: ADAA.org, hopkinsmedicine.org, mhanational.org, National Institute of Mental Health
Kimberly J is an Instructor and Research Specialist at the HCLS Glenwood Branch. She enjoys reading, photography, creating, crafting, and baking.
I’ve been a crafter all of my life. I make costumes and throw elaborate birthday parties. My first thought when I see something beautiful in a store is usually, “Can I make that?” I love to create handmade gifts, produce decorations for birthdays, and design personal touches for my home. The laser cutter/engraver (Glowforge) at HCLS Glenwood Branch + Makerspace is the latest tool in my crafting repertoire. Among the many things I’ve been able to make are jewelry, decorations, gifts, cake toppers, valentines, teacher appreciation keychains, and an LED light. My favorite things that I’ve made are keepsakes that engrave my son’s drawings and a lighted archway that I made to try and replicate the schwibbogen that are sold in Germany.
What is a Laser Cutter/Engraver?
This machine allows you to put a piece of material like leather, wood, or acrylic in the machine and it carves out your product using laser light. Glowforge is the name brand for the Laser Cutter Engraver at HCLS Glenwood Branch + Makerspace.
What materials can it cut?
At HCLS, we only allow Proofgrade materials in the machine – Glowforge sells proofgrade materials, which are certified to be laser safe. These materials also have pre-assigned settings in the machine – telling the laser exactly what power and speed it needs so cuts and engravings produce exactly how they should! Proofgrade materials include hardwood, acrylic, draft board, plywood, veneer, and leather, among others.
How can I get Proofgrade Materials?
The Glenwood Branch has a selection of materials to purchase directly from the library, including many colors of acrylic and several finishes for hardwood, plywood, and veneer. Alternately, you can purchase directly from the site, shop.glowforge.com, or from local craft stores that carry Proofgrade materials.
What kinds of things can I make?
The photos in this post are all things that have been made in the Makerspace with the Laser Cutter/Engraver. There is so much room for creativity and customization. Your design can be high-tech – you can create an .svg from scratch with interlocking or overlapping pieces to construct 3D artwork. Your design can also be low-tech – you can convert a line art drawing, photograph, or handwriting sample into a custom-engraved keepsake. You can also browse premade designs in the application and send them with customized engravings, or you can use the application to create a design using graphics, text, and shapes.
How do I get started?
If you want to see a quick intro video, you can watch on HCLS’s YouTube channel here. You can also register for upcoming make-it and take-it classes at Upcoming Laser Cutting Classes. Someone is always available in the Makerspace to help you get underway. Anyone under 18 who wishes to use the laser cutter must be accompanied by a parent or guardian.
Kimberly J is an Instructor and Research Specialist at the HCLS Glenwood Branch. She enjoys reading, photography, creating, crafting, and baking.
In this autobiography, journalist Stephanie Land details the hardships and trials she endured during her daughter’s first years. Driven into homelessness due in part to an abusive partner, an abusive father, and an absent mother, Land is truly on her own. Her family and friends have nothing to give, leaving her alone to survive. People from all walks of life will relate to her fighting spirit and resiliency.
This story is so compelling because it is so personal. This eye-opening tale gives us a glimpse into the everyday struggle of one woman fighting for a life for herself and her daughter. Reading from her point of view gave me insight into the scorn and derision felt by the working poor. The tension and anxiety Land experienced were palpable as she struggled to balance 15 types of assistance in order to simply survive.
It is a hard and heavy subject – Land works as a maid cleaning houses in order to make ends meet. The contrast of being surrounded by the trappings of the upper middle class while she is struggling to feed herself is heart-rending. This position of servitude leaves her feeling dehumanized and “othered” more often than not. When she encounters the rare client that treats her like a person, she is hungry for even the smallest acts of compassion – a note, a conversation, a smile.
This book raises important questions – How do we treat people who are performing manual labor? How do people experiencing homelessness and/or poverty fit into our society? What makes a home? How can you keep going even when hope feels impossible?
Maid is a New York Times bestseller and has been converted into a Netflix series. It is available in print, ebook, and eaudiobook from HCLS.
Kimberly J is an Instructor and Research Specialist at the HCLS Glenwood Branch. She enjoys reading, photography, creating, crafting, and baking.
Did you know that there are more than 100 LEGO pieces per person on the planet? The word Lego comes from an abbreviation of the Danish words leg and godt, which mean play well. Lego was founded in 1932, and since then their “play well” philosophy continues to inspire citizens the world over. This universal building block connects generations and bridges language barriers – anyone can build Lego. Here are just a few resources from HCLS to inspire Lego fans of all ages – whether you’re an AFOL (adult fan of Lego), TFOL (teen fan of Lego), or KFOL (kid fan of Lego), here are some finds to get you in the mood to build!
A Lego Brickumentary is a fun and fact-filled foray into the fandom that is Lego. In a documentary that the whole family can watch together, animated Lego scenes are interspersed with interviews and awe-inspiring Lego builds. It explores the history and evolution of the world’s second biggest toy company and how it has become a catalyst for innovation. I was inspired through the artists, master builders, designers, architects, and therapists that have utilized this simple building brick to transform ideas and imagination into reality. This film runs 1 hour and 35 minutes, is rated G, and is available on DVD from HCLS.
Beautiful Lego is a full color portfolio of Lego artworks from 77 different contributors and a compendium of so many fantastical designs – from minimalism to monsters. This gorgeous book boasts more than 200 pages of inspiration. I loved the incredibly detailed model of an imaginary extraterrestrial city – the same one featured on the cover art. The book features unusual usage of different types of bricks in creating textures, expressions, and models of everyday objects. For fans of art, fans of Lego, and fans of both.
100 Ways to Rebuild the World is a children’s book full of ideas of how to encourage kindness, positivity, community, and responsibility. It features fun bright Lego illustrations and issues challenges to inspire kids to care about themselves, others, and the planet. My favorite challenges were “Start a chain of creativity” and “Step into their shoes.” It is a great resource for parents who are looking for ways to help their children connect with the community and the world around them.
A collage of the creative work of participants in the Lego Engineering Challenge class.
Lego Engineering Challenge is a biweekly prerecorded class produced by Ms. Julie. She issues four unique challenges in every class – encouraging children in grades K-8 to use their imagination and problem solving skills to complete fun tasks. After each session, Ms Julie compiles participants’ submissions and shares them to encourage budding engineers and artists. Pictured are just a few submissions from past classes. It is always fun to see so many creative solutions to the same challenge. Find the next class by clicking here, then register to receive a link to the next session.
Brick by Brick: How Lego Rewrote the Rules of Innovation and Conquered the Global Toy Industry is an eAudiobook available on Cloud Library. It explores the business management and innovation practices of the Lego Group through anecdotes and case studies. This book was written to be an inspiration for business owners as a model of how innovation practices evolved at the Lego Group, and how the company used their 2003 brush with bankruptcy to realign, reconnect, and reemerge as a leader in the toy industry.
Inspired to create your own Lego masterpieces? Share them with the world through the Lego Ideas website. This is one of the Lego Group’s most successful innovations. A crowd-sourced idea generator, it began in 2008 as Lego Cuusoo (Cuusoo means “imagination” or “wish” in Japanese, and it still available as an archive here). On the Lego Ideas website, you can submit your own proposals for new Lego sets, vote on global submissions, and participate in activities and contests with other Lego lovers.
Kimberly J is a DIY Instructor and Research Specialist at the HCLS Elkridge Branch. She enjoys reading, photography, creating, crafting, and baking.
Photo by Kimberly J – shared in memory of Todd & George
In 2013, I was pregnant twice. Both of these pregnancies ended in stillbirth. The next few months were a bit of a blur. I felt alone, isolated, shameful, and guilty about my body’s failures. Medical terminology surrounding pregnancy loss did little to dispel these feelings. Words like miscarriage, incompetent cervix, and inhospitable uterus felt like they, too, were laying the blame at the mothers’ feet. One day, a book arrived in the mail from a dear friend which made me feel less alone. I found it helpful to hear others’ stories and experiences that mirrored my own. That book was the catalyst for my grieving process and healing. If you are struggling, I hope that one of these books or DVDs might bring the same sense of catharsis and comfort to you. If someone you know has recently experienced a similar loss, I hope these resources will help you relate to them and know how to help.
Don’t Talk About the Baby is a documentary film presenting first person accounts of infertility, miscarriage, and stillbirth. It addresses the cultural stigma of silence around these losses. The film includes interviews from mothers and fathers from around the US. It seeks to normalize the grieving process – and addresses how this grief is often invisible to outsiders, because to them the baby wasn’t visible. Additional insight is provided by a bereavement doula and other doctors. Content Warnings: Contains photos of deceased children. Couples talk about subsequent pregnancies and live births. Features discussion during a religious/Christian support group.Don’t Talk About the Baby is available on DVD from HCLS.
The Brink of Being: Talking About Miscarriage was written by a therapist who specializes in working with women who have experienced pregnancy loss and infertility. She also shares her own experiences with miscarrying 22-week twins. This book is laid out in a “chronological” retelling of losses – starting at the first weeks, and progressing throughout the stages at which miscarriage losses can occur. A chapter towards the end also speaks about memorials and remembrances. Stories are told in intimate and graphic detail. This book includes chapters on early, late, and recurrent miscarriage. It also offers insights into the perspectives of partners, fathers, family members, and loved ones. Content Warnings: Stories of subsequent pregnancies and living births are integrated into the narrative. Graphic descriptions, including the at-home birth of a embryonic baby. Definitions are given in terms recognized in the UK – miscarriage there is defined through 24 weeks, while in the US, babies born as soon as 20 weeks are termed stillborn.
About What Was Lost is a compilation from 20 different writers who share their own stories of loss. This anthology offers a catharsis with honest (sometimes painful) re-tellings of private grief. Authors share their personal experiences and feelings about abortion, miscarriage, twin loss, and premature infant death. Each story and experience is unique to the author and reflects many perspectives on pregnancy and infant loss. Content Warnings: Subsequent pregnancies and live births are discussed. Abortion lossis covered in multiple accounts.
High Risk is written by a Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist (MFM) also known as a high-risk OB/GYN. She seeks to fill the void of information about what might happen. Told from a medical point-of-view, this book seeks to answer the call, “I wish someone had told me.” This book concisely details some of the most common diagnoses that bring patients to a MFM. It offers information on the processes, medical terminology, and decision making during pregnancy complications. In the chapter on stillbirth, the most common causes are discussed and dissected. The author also addresses some of the reasons behind the medical avoidance on the subject of stillbirth. This book presents a history of medical knowledge/treatments around pregnancy complications and the current standards (or lack thereof) of care when loss occurs. While it tells stories of real patients, it is from a detached medical perspective.
Kid Gloves by Lucy Knisley is a graphic novel available in both paperback and as an ebook via Overdrive. It portrays the author’s struggle with early miscarriage and the depression that followed her losses. These feelings of isolation and sadness are compounded by shame, guilt, and loathing of her own body. She recounts advice that eventually led her to healing… to treat herself with “kid gloves.” Lucy later receives a medical reason for her miscarriages, and goes on to recount her experiences through a pregnancy (with complications) and the eventual birth of a living child. She addreses the history of birthing practices and the notion of “natural” childbirth with humor and accuracy. Content Warnings: more than half of the book recounts the author’s successive pregnancy and battle with pre-eclampsia.
Return to Zero is a fictional film portraying stillbirth loss. It is based on the true story of writer/director/producer Sean Hanish and his wife. This movie shows how stillbirth shatters the lives of a successful and prosperous couple. The shock and disbelief Minnie Driver portrays when confronted with the semantics surrounding her upcoming birth echoed my own experiences with stillbirth. You never think that you’ll be asked about funerals and autopsies on the day you’re going to give birth. The movie goes on to depict the daily struggles of both parents as they navigate holidays, baby showers, and well-meaning outsiders. They are helped through a successive pregnancy by a doctor who has also experienced loss. Reception to the movie has led to the founding of RTZ: Hope which aims to shine a light on pregnancy loss and stillbirth. ContentWarnings: Photos of deceased children are shown. Stillbirth labor and delivery are depicted. Subsequent live birth is portrayed.Return to Zero is available from HCLS on DVD.
Three Minus One is an ebook available on Hoopla from HCLS. Inspired by the Return to Zero film, it is a compilation of over 80 individual essays, poems, and pictures submitted by mothers, fathers, relatives, and friends. Most of these stories focus on stillbirth and infant death, with several perspectives from families whose doctors declared their babies “incompatible with life” before they were born. Other topics include the loss of a toddler, the elective abortion of a Trisomy 21 baby, and miscarriage. This collection is a journey through their grief and pain, but mostly focused on the love these parents have for their children. Many explore what it means to move forward, for this after is nothing like what came before. Content Warnings: Photos of deceased children are shown. Several narratives include subsequent living children.
Healing Your Grieving Heart is a series of books available for Howard County Library patrons via Hoopla. They are written by Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a grief educator who offers practical ideas and concrete action-oriented tips to aid in the mourning process. Each title in the series addresses the unique concerns for each situation – from confronting what you did or did not see during the miscarriage process to taking & displaying pictures of a stillborn baby. The author offers practical, bullet-pointed ideas on how to practice self compassion while grieving. His tips are based on advice solicited from families who have experienced these losses. I found it helpful in a concrete way, when so much about the grieving process feels murky and disorienting. The author offers 100 ideas in each book. If some don’t feel right to you, his advice is just to skip it and move on. Self care is central to his philosophies, but moving from the emotion of grief to the action of mourning takes work and reflection. There are many titles available, but these three are most relevant to my post today: Healing Your Grieving Heart After Miscarriage Healing Your Grieving Heart After Stillbirth Healing a Parent’s Grieving Heart
The content provided is for informational purposes only; it is not intended to be used instead of professional medical opinion or advice. All information, content, and materials available on this site are for general informational purposes only.
Kimberly J is a DIY Instructor and Research Specialist at the HCLS Elkridge Branch. She is the mother to two living sons and two stillborn sons.
This statue of a grieving mother sits in the Star Garden Cemetery, reserved for babies who died before they had a chance to live.
by Kimberly J
For women who know they’re pregnant, about 15 percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage.1 About one pregnancy in 100 after 20 weeks of pregnancy is affected by stillbirth, and each year about 24,000 babies are stillborn in the United States.2 In 2018, the infant mortality rate in the United States was 5.7 deaths per 1,000 live births.3
Loss affects approximately 1 in 4 known pregnancies. Which means if it hasn’t happened to you, it has happened to someone you know. Yet, this subject is often surrounded by silence. That silence is isolating and discouraging. Not knowing what to say or what to do are the most common reactions when someone you know or love is experiencing this kind of loss, but silence is not the answer. Absence of support and acknowledgment can compound the grief and loss felt after such an event.
If you have experienced this type of loss, I am so sorry. After my losses, I started a journal of sorts and labeled it, “Things to Help?” In compiling the resources listed, I kept that thought in mind. Below is a list of materials and resources to hopefully help anyone experiencing such a loss (and those who love them) break the stigma of silence and shame. I hope these resources aid you in processing and working through the grief you may be struggling with. Sometimes, just knowing you are not alone can be of comfort.
“When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn’t a word to describe them. This month recognizes the loss so many parents experience across the United States and around the world. It is also meant to inform and provide resources for parents who have lost children due to miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy, stillbirths, birth defects, SIDS, and other causes.“
– RONALD REAGAN, 1988 DECLARING OCTOBER PREGNANCY & INFANT LOSS AWARENESS MONTH.
Local Resources – Central Maryland
Rising Hope Perinatal Hospice & Bereavement Program: at Howard County General Hospital – This program is free of charge and offers support during and after pregnancy. They offer emotional and practical support as well as referrals to support groups, therapists, and funeral directors. Contact: Amanda Meneses, 410-884-4709, adeane3@jhmi.edu – View their brochure by clicking HERE
Springboard Community Services: (formerly Family & Children Services of Central Maryland) is a local nonprofit that aims to make mental health services available to all. They provide social services including counseling and group therapy. Their website is www.springboardmd.org
Stillborn and Infant Loss Support (SAILS Maryland): This is a newer group supporting central Maryland families and run by Sadija Smiley, who has experienced loss herself. This group seeks to help those who have experienced a loss feel less alone. On their website, bornintosilence.org, they have compiled a list of national resources and created a remembrance wall to acknowledge lost babies.
Dear Mama: Hosted by HCLS (Sponsored by Friends and Foundation of Howard County Library System and The Women’s Giving Circle of Howard County. In partnership with Worcester County Library). This is a thematic multimedia exhibit depicting pregnancy and motherhood through the eyes of emerging artists of African descent. The aim is to create for the viewer emotional resonance as well as understanding of the health disparities impacting women of color. Join us for a day of dialogue and healing as we discuss the physical and emotional health of black mothers and mothers to be. This event will take place online on October 24th from 10am – 2pm. Register here.
Statewide and National Resources
MIS (Miscarriage, Infant Death, and Stillbirth) Share: This parent-led support group currently meets virtually to offer information, support, and comfort to parents at any stage of the grieving process. Specialized support groups are available throughout the DMV area. Find a brochure about their services by clicking here. Their website is www.misshare.org
Center for Infant & Child Loss: The Center is run by the University of Maryland Department of Pediatrics and is committed to increasing the understanding of sudden infant and child death, risk reduction practices, grief, and compassionate intervention. Contact: 800-808-7437. Their website is infantandchildloss.org
The Compassionate Friends: This is a national group offering peer-led support for bereaved parents, siblings, and grandparents who have experienced the death of a child of any age. Call the national office: 877-969-0010 or visit the website for local chapter information: www.compassionatefriends.org
Star Legacy Foundation – Maryland Chapter: This group seeks to decrease stillbirth rates through education and fundraising for research. They are also a resource for grieving families, who can call 952-715-7731 (ext. 1) to speak to a grief counselor. In addition, The Star Legacy Foundation coordinates volunteer efforts to make a difference locally with bereavement care packages and training for hospital staff. The Maryland chapter website and contact information can be found here.
MARYLAND CRISIS HOTLINE: 1-800-422-0009: This statewide 24 hour intervention and supportive counseling hotline is for depression, suicide, loneliness, family and relationship problems, shelter needs, violent or threatening domestic situations, chemical dependency issues and others.
Online Resources
CDC STILLBIRTH RESOURCES: The Center for Disease Control and Prevention has compiled resources for information and scientific articles regarding stillbirth. Also featured on this site are stillbirth stories from volunteer contributors. Visit the website here. Trigger Warning: The “Family Stories” section contains photos of deceased children.
Glow in the Woods: This site hosts online forums and archives “for babylost mothers and fathers.” The forums are labeled to help visitors avoid triggers for those that want to share, but are still sensitive to hearing about others who are trying to conceive (TTC) post-loss. The archives are filtered by category, allowing you to find narratives where the experiences/feelings mirror your own. Subjects in the archives range from depression, anger, and guilt to intimacy, memorials, and family. The website is glowinthewoods.com.
INSTAGRAM:
@LoveCommaDad – This account consists of a series of videos from a stillbirth and miscarriage father who shares loss stories and advice from other baby-loss dads in their own words to offer support for one another.
@RefugeInGrief – Most posts on this account feature the hastag #perfectlynormal – letting you know that whatever you’re feeling, this reaction is a normal part of the grieving process. This shared grief experience can be helpful, though infant/pregnancy loss is not specifically mentioned. Run by Megan Devine, author of It’s ok that you’re not ok : meeting grief and loss in a culture that doesn’t understand
@Miscarriage.Stories – Part of the nonprofit Managing Miscarriage, this account offers a place for sharing miscarriage stories. This account encourages submissions from followers in order to break free from the isolation and silence that usually accompanies miscarriage.
PODCASTS:
Stillbirth Matters! -from the Star Legacy Foundation – there are currently 30 episodes, mainly interviews with medical professionals, fathers, and mothers. The focus is mainly on stillbirth and infant loss stories. However, several episodes speak directly to infertility and pregnancy loss
Managing Miscarriage – this community-sourced podcast provides a forum for women to share their stories. It highlights narratives from women who have experienced miscarriage as well as expert perspectives from doctors. There are currently 76 episodes.
Sisters in Loss spotlights faith filled black women who share their grief and pregnancy loss stories. According to the NIH, black women are twice as likely to experience late miscarriage and stillbirth than white women. New episodes weekly; episodes include resources and strategies to heal and find a path forward after loss.
The content provided is for informational purposes only; it is not intended to be used instead of professional medical opinion or advice. All information, content, and materials available on this site are for general informational purposes only.
Kimberly J is a DIY Instructor and Research Specialist at the HCLS Elkridge Branch. She is the mother to 2 living sons and 2 stillborn sons.
1. “Miscarriage (also called early pregnancy loss) is when a baby dies in the womb (uterus) before 20 weeks of pregnancy. For women who know they’re pregnant, about 10 to 15 in 100 pregnancies (10 to 15 percent) end in miscarriage. Most miscarriages happen in the first trimester before the 12th week of pregnancy. Miscarriage in the second trimester (between 13 and 19 weeks) happens in 1 to 5 in 100 (1 to 5 percent) pregnancies. As many as half of all pregnancies may end in miscarriage. We don’t know the exact number because a miscarriage may happen before a woman knows she’s pregnant. Most women who miscarry go on to have a healthy pregnancy later.” Source: March of Dimes
2. “Stillbirth affects about 1 in 160 births, and each year about 24,000 babies are stillborn in the United States. That is about the same number of babies that die during the first year of life and it is more than 10 times as many deaths as the number that occur from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS).” Source: CDC
3. “Infant mortality is the death of an infant before his or her first birthday. In 2018, the infant mortality rate in the United States was 5.7 deaths per 1,000 live births.” Source:CDC
CHAPTER CHATS 